Messages From the Real World

The following letters have been written to me by real people I've met through our public schools - teachers who cared enough to make a difference in a student's life, students writing about a teacher who helped them get through tough times. They testify to the great things we can do if we try. I call these "messages from the real world" because these students and teachers have lived and breathed what I talk about in The Teacher's Teacher. All references to students have been anonymized to protect their privacy.

—Mark Mainella

CHAPTER 1: FACING THE CHALLENGE

These first two letters show the importance of the interventions teachers make in students' lives - even though we may not know it at the time.

A chance inspiration

It was a warm summer afternoon in July. I sat by an open window at my desk in my ground level principal's office when he poked his head in the window and said, "Hi, Mr. Sals. Remember me?"

Although there was something familiar about him, I must admit that I really did not. His unshaven face, slightly receding hairline and casual appearance kept me in doubt as to his identity.

"I'm C.," he offered, "class of 1987, and I'm home for a few days from Illinois where I'll begin my internship next week at Chicago Hospital."

He went on to say that he had graduated from medical school last month and just had to stop by to thank me for inspiring him to enter the medical profession.

Now I was totally bewildered. How could I have inspired a high school boy who, to the best of my recollection hadn't even been a student of mine, to enter the medical profession? I didn't even teach science. And I told him so.

"Are you sure you're thanking the right person?" I asked.

"I sure am," he responded. "Do you remember the day Mrs. Bartlett, my biology teacher, took sick, and you, in your role as vice-principal, filled in?"

I didn't actually remember, but it was exactly what I did in those days - that is, take the class myself when an unexpected teacher absence arose.

"Well," he continued, "you asked the class what we were studying at the time, and we answered 'genetics'. So you told us the only story you knew about genetics - you know, the one about Mendel and his experiments with the pea pod and his ensuing theory that in a family of four siblings 80% of the time there would be a 3-1 combination - that is, three boys and a girl, or three girls and a boy."

"Yup," I admitted. I've told that story, I recalled, many times.

He continued, "I became so interested in Mendel that I went to the library and did a research paper on him for science class, and it set off in me a genuine interest in the science field which led me to become a biology major in college. I went on to med school and now I'm a doctor. And I owe it all to you and your timely genetics story."

He shook my hand and disappeared as fast as he had arrived. I sat back, basking in what I'd just heard. One never realizes the impact of one's remarks. I certainly didn't.

I wish he would come back so I could tell him what I learned from him.

Bob Salisbury
Principal, Smithfield High School
Smithfield, RI

"We were able to save one child"

Mark,

An inspiring experience...

I was called to the cafeteria one day when a problem arose when a sophomore student would not move for a teacher. The teacher had asked the student to move to the end of a lunch line for cutting the line. He refused to move. I told him twice to move, and when he refused the second time, I sent him to the office. He refused once again. I approached him and whispered in his ear, "Move or the police will be here, cuff you and take you out." He walked out, proceeded to yell expletives at me and threatened to quit school.

I followed him, took him into an empty wood shop room and talked with him. Mark, he listened, and since then we have had a great relationship. This boy will graduate this year, and I feel we were able to save one child who might otherwise become another statistic.

I will personally hand him his diploma.

Ron Safer
Principal
Northbridge High School
Whitinsville, MA 01588

Chapter 2: Travels Through Time

The letters that come next tell of the resourcefulness and resilience of students who didn't take the standard path through school. These students chose their education and understood its value far more than if they had followed the standard route.

A story of determination and love

It was easier than I thought to select a student for whom a high school education was a struggle, although there were so many success stories it was difficult to pick just one. However, with the help of some of the staff here we decided to tell you about M.

M. entered our school in September of 1990 when he was 15. His father had left when M. was a baby, never marrying his mother. His mother was a drug addict who never took any interest in M. nor his sister who was 8 at the time. M. arrived shortly after having been in an automobile accident which left his leg in a state of constant pain. He had a series of operations but always retained some disability.

After his freshman year, M. selected Electrical as the trade area he wished to study but failed the course in his sophomore year. He then asked if he could transfer to Graphics, knowing that the lost time would require an additional year of attendance. M. struggled with his schoolwork throughout his first three years, just getting by on grades of D with an occasional C.

In his last academic year, his mother abandoned M. and his sister, and M. became the legal guardian of his now 12-year-old sister. He tried to be a parent to her and kept close track of her behavior, often seeking parenting advice from teachers here. He learned that being a grown-up when one has no role model is difficult, and he doted over his sister, trying to make her understand why things were the way they were and keeping her out of trouble. Occasionally he would get a call at school regarding his sister's health or behavior. Imagine a kid trying to raise a kid. But surprisingly, M.'s grades went up during this difficult year.

M. worked after school to support himself and his sister. He never had especially good clothes, rarely had a jacket that would provide any warmth in the winter, and relied on the kindness of others for some necessities. Despite these obstacles, M. did complete his high school education in the spring of 1995 and was graduated. In addition, he got a job working in photography, a field directly related to the Graphics he studied here. His sister is now in high school and both are doing very well. He visits now and then and he always has a big smile on his face, is happy and is a credit to himself, his employer and our school.

If it wasn't for the fact that everyone in this country has the right to select the public education of his or her choice and even fail at some of it, M. could not have succeeded, and one can only guess what would have happened to his sister. It was only through the time, opportunities and guidance of his school family that he came to understand why he needed to complete his high school program. He learned that short-term goals must sometimes be sacrificed for long-term ones.

Charlie A. Salerno, Director

Norwich Regional Vocational Technical School

Norwich, CT

"Someone with a future"

I first met H. when I was a teacher in a small public Alternative High School located in a medium sized urban school district. He was not a student - he used to come to school after regular school hours and spend time playing cards, checkers, chess or casually conversing with student friends and members of the staff.

H. was a congenial individual approximately 16 years of age, with quite a sense of humor, although a good deal of his humor was self-deprecating. He would make jokes about his overweight body or his looks or poor posture or his being a school dropout. Sometimes I would broach the subject of his returning to school, and usually he cut that idea short by saying that school was not for him. He would say to me that he didn't have the "smarts" to make it in school.

One afternoon when I was leaving work I noticed a group of students playing poker with H. at a local eatery. I stopped in and watched the game. As an accomplished poker player myself, I was interested in the strategic interchange. What amused me was H. was in control of the game and winning far more than his share of hands. As I watched I saw H. as a very bright person employing strategies that reflected a great deal of intelligence. I also had the opportunity a few days later to observe H. playing chess. What I saw was an analytic mind at work which provided a foundation for strategizing. Needless to say, I was quite impressed with his abilities.

After this I decided to confront him in conversation about returning to school again. After a very long, difficult conversation, he agreed to come in and take a placement test.

When I reviewed the test it was clear what his problem was. H.'s reading level was about second grade, and his writing skills weren't much better. His math skills also tested low, yet one could not discover this from watching him handle money.

H. enrolled in the Alternative School and reported for classes in September with a sense exuberance and enthusiasm. This enthusiasm, however, began to quickly wear thin when the reality of class work began to set in. Once again the prospect of failure pervaded the process.

Because the Alternative School was built around the concept of personalization, his relationship with the teachers seemed to be the thread that kept him from giving up. Additionally, teachers gave personal time after school to help him with his reading and math. Yet progress was slow and hard, and no matter how hard we tried to build his self-image, it didn't seem to be enough to keep him involved.

At that time I was in charge of the area of medical care studies. This involved a comprehensive study of the U.S. health care system and international approaches, as well as internships in various health care institutions. Even though H. was not eligible under our school rules, the staff decided to make an exception and I asked H. to join the Medical Care Studies area. He reluctantly agreed and came to the Medical Care Seminar, displaying his lack of confidence and his self-deprecating sense of humor. Students in the area had to complete at least one semester in the program before being placed in an internship, but I thought that H. needed an internship as soon as possible. I thought that an internship would expose him to a culture with which he was unfamiliar, namely that of a professional work environment.

I arranged an internship at the local hospital physical therapy department where they would train H. to help lift and transport patients. The patients that H. encountered were paraplegics, quadra-paraplegics and others suffering extreme physical problems: problems that made H.'s problems seem almost insignificant. H.'s personal and good-natured approach soon won him a sense of belonging. Patients depended on him not only for transport but also related to him as a friend, almost like a social worker. H. was someone whom people in great need depended upon. He made them laugh and genuinely cared for them.

This experience had a profound effect on H. Soon he began dressing with a white shirt and tie and began carrying a briefcase. His self-confidence was growing by leaps and bounds, which had a great effect on his school work. He became dedicated to his studies because now he saw himself in a different light. Now he was someone with a future, and the school work was his means to reach success.

H. grew intellectually, his progress was consistent and he was able to graduate at the age of 19. He also won acceptance to a special program at the State University. H. later graduated with a BA in Sociology and went on to receive an MA degree in Business Management at Boston University. H. has become a successful professional member of our community, incidentally earning far in excess of my salary as a public school administrator.

What this shows is that with personalization, proper motivation and a school-to-work experience exposing a student to the professional world of work, anything is possible. A person was able to raise himself against all the odds. This story carries some strong implications for our educational system - namely that if we are to successfully serve students, especially those from the inner city, it is imperative that these students be exposed to the culture of professional work. They have to be in an environment where they no longer see themselves as victims with no viable opportunities for their future, but as capable workers who have value.

Therefore, school-to-work internships are a critical factor in the success equation. The urban school systems must forge a comprehensive relationship with business and professional communities in order to effectively prepare today's youth for the 21st Century. This relationship will greatly benefit all parties, because tomorrow's graduates will be prepared to enter the work force as contributors equipped with the tools to be life-long learners, who can make the United States successful and competitive in the 21st Century.

Paul Gunneris
Assistant Superintendent of Schools
Providence, RI

Chapter 3: The Teacher's Teacher

I've talked about the Teacher's Teacher, but these letters really show great teachers in action - their willingness to go out of their way, their unconditional caring, the risks they're willing to take. Over and over, these letters tell us of teachers who helped a student turn his or her life around - teachers who are remembered years later with affection and gratitude. These sound like exceptional stories, but they're not: they're examples of what we can all do, every day, to make a difference.

"It's obvious when a teacher really cares"

Mrs. Casabian,

I just wanted to write you this little note to say thank you. I don't know if I ever told you how much I appreciated your encouraging me to try cross-country. I am so glad you did. I love running, and being part of the cross-country and track teams was so much fun. Not many people would have taken the time, like you did, to encourage a small, shy, seemingly unathletic freshman to try a sport. You helped me find my niche in the athletic world and gave me the opportunity to achieve in an area I never dreamed I could. It's obvious when a teacher really cares about her students and loves her job because it shines through everything she does. Your nurturing personality, kindness and compassion made you the perfect gym teacher. I appreciate your enthusiasm and will miss you greatly next year. I will never forget how you've helped me. You've made a great impression on my life. I admire your devotion to your job and B-R students.

I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me!

Anonymous
Bridgewater-Raynham High School

"D stands for Dad"

This is the story of a young boy who came a long way in four years. As a ninth grader at Warwick Veterans Memorial High School, he spent a large percentage of each day in the vice-principal's office. Anything would set this boy off. He was kicked out of class for yelling, swearing, being disrespectful to the teacher, throwing things (desks), and general disruption. The hallways were another place where he had problems. A wrong look or a comment from a passing student could be enough fuel to start a fight.

His home life was in a shambles. Parent conferences were a waste of time. His mother was convinced he would never amount to anything, and that it was the school's responsibility to take care of him during the day. He found out who his real father was one night when he was 15. There was a man in the neighborhood who looked like him. The idea of it began to bother him. Finally, one day he asked the man if they were related, and he found out the truth. Family members were spread throughout the Oakland Beach section of Warwick. He would bounce from one house to another. Often he was seen lugging his most prized possession, a ratty old sofa bed, up and down the road. He would crash at his sister's house or maybe at his grandmother's place. Sometimes he would have to stay with friends.

There was no end in sight. The problems kept escalating. His vice-principal, Mr. DiSantis, finally came to the resolution that it was attention this boy craved. The only way he knew how to get attention was in a negative way. The inevitable showdown finally happened. Mr. D. took this boy into his office. He had an assignment that he had to do, and if he didn't complete it, then he was going to fail. Mr. D. slammed the door so hard, the clock fell off the wall. With sparks flying from the wires, Mr. D. gave his ultimatum: "You have three choices: you either do your assignment, jump out the window, or try to get past me."

This seemed to be the catalyst that began a relationship that would continue through graduation. The next step was to channel some of that energy into positive directions. Mr. D. got him involved with the athletic program. His enormous size and aggressive nature made him a perfect candidate for football and wrestling. Under the guidance of Coach Nappa, he was able to discipline himself and get rewarded with some positive attention. It wasn't all roses, though. Trying to keep this boy and his appetite in check was a whole different ballgame.

Mr. D. kept after him through sophomore and junior year. The changes began slowly, but once he settled into a positive routine, the difference was enormous. He joined the community service club at school, and eventually he became the president. His involvement with mentoring elementary students earned him recognition at an awards dinner. On Honors' Night during his senior year he was given the Presidential Award for Educational Effort which was signed by President Clinton. In his four years, he went from a boy who wanted to destroy his community to a young man who wanted to give something back.

During his senior year, it looked like there might be some opportunities beyond high school. With the help of Mr. D., his guidance counsellor, and his English teacher, he applied for enrollment at URI through the PEP program which serves disadvantaged youth. He was awarded a full, four-year scholarship. Right now he is in his second year with a 3.2 GPA. His goal is to become a teacher and make Mr. D. proud.

As could be expected, the end of his senior year was an emotional one. He didn't want to leave. This was mainly because school was the only place where he felt wanted, needed, and accepted. There was a lot of hugging. Some of the teachers got together and gave him some necessities that he could take to college with him. He didn't know how to express himself towards his vice-principal who had done so much and had taken him so far. He finally came up with one statement that said it all.

"The D doesn't stand for DiSantis, it stands for Dad."

"A few words of encouragement"

S. was a bright-eyed 15-year-old sophomore who sat in the front row of my English class. Seldom participating and doing few of the assignments, her grade bordered on failure. When year's end arrived, she managed to get promoted, and with the exception of a few passing glimpses of her in the hallways, we never again spoke. Before long, S. became one of the hundreds of students that a teacher might forget.

Several years later, I made the decision to leave the teaching profession for that of a high school administrator in a school nearly 50 miles away. I missed the daily interaction with students in the classroom but soon got accustomed to my new role. There are still days when I long for a spirited discussion on the finer points of good composition skills.

Six years after leaving the classroom, I was at an elementary school's recital with my youngest son and my wife. A young lady with a small child approached me. "Do you remember me?", she asked with a smile. It's an often-asked question that rarely gets an honest reply. "You look familiar," I answered while searching my memory. As she held the hand of the young boy at her side, she recounted how she was a poor student who rarely did her work and sat in the front row of my classroom. I now remember the eyes. She told me how she had to quit school when she found herself pregnant.

"When I left school, I studied and passed my G.E.D. I'm now finishing my fourth year of college and plan to be a teacher. You once told me, 'Susan, I don't know why you're doing so poorly, but I can clearly see that you're a bright young lady. Someday you're going to realize how important an education is.' You were the only teacher who ever made me feel good about myself."

I could only smile and thank her for her kind words; we parted as the recital started. I was so proud of what she had accomplished. I thought of how every teacher needed to know that they made a difference.

On the drive home, my wife asked me what kind of student S. was. I replied, "The kind for whom a few words of encouragement made all the difference in the world."

George H. Letendre
Assistant Principal
Diman Regional Vocational Technical High School
Fall River, MA

"A classic example of school phobia"

I remember one young lady who positively refused to come to school. She had a classic example of school phobia. She came from a single-parent home in which the divorce had been less than pleasant, and she seemed to be the target of her dad's wrath. As a result, she would not leave her mother's side.

This young lady was constantly sick. It took many hours to convince her she could come to school and her mother would be okay. On one occasion she stood in front of my desk and said if I made her stay in school she would get sick and vomit on my rug. I said she had to stay in school, and I would check on her to make sure things were okay. Well, she responded by doing just as she had promised. Her mother was totally embarrassed and probably wanted to take her home - but I looked at the young lady and said, "You fulfilled your part of the bargain, and now I will fulfill mine. We'll clean everything up and you will go to class." I promised that I would check on her each period.

This continued on for almost an entire school year, but we gradually began to overcome the problem. The young lady began to work in my office as an aide; and by the time she hit her junior year in high school she was never absent. She graduated, went on to graduate from college, and is now happily married with a family.

This student's success also permeated her family, with a younger sister and brother overcoming the home problem and succeeding in school.

Joseph P. Hanlon
Assistant Principal
Medway High School
Wellesley, MA

"I feel blessed"

In some ways I feel blessed because teaching doesn't feel like a job; it's an activity I go to because I enjoy it. The rewards are the smiles, the hugs, the letters from graduates, the requests to borrow books, the trusting glances and the personal pleas for help. I love the kids! They are wonderfully funny, sad, goofy, and brutally honest. They keep me young and optimistic about the future. I try not to prejudge them, but to size them up by their interaction with me, which has paid off very well.

"You're such a mother," the assistant principal says because I even like the troublemakers who present still more of a challenge to win over, to gain their trust, to connect with in some way. Maybe it is my maternal instinct, but I attempt to understand why they act as they do. What's making them laugh or hurt or lash out? Eventually they learn that I genuinely care and will do what I can to help them. In this way I've cracked a few hard exteriors and would like to think that I've made a difference in their lives. They have all made a significant difference in mine.

Susan Poor

Chapter 4: Who is a "Special Student"?

All students are special, but these letters tell stories of students facing challenges that go beyond the ordinary realm. As teachers, we help these students best by helping them gain the self-confidence to succeed - by showing them, through our caring, that they are special. These letters show teachers doing just that: giving every student a sense of worth and purpose.

A turnaround story

It was a circumstance of fate that brought D. and Mark together that day. Mark was at North Quincy High School to deliver a message about the importance of a positive attitude and being happy in what you do. Little did he know that it was a message D. desperately needed to hear. D. had been dangerously depressed, even driving his wheelchair to the edge of a roof.

Days before the ninth grade assembly, teachers were aware that D. was again feeling low. As the auditorium - a series of steps up - filled with students, D. maneuvered his wheelchair through a ground-level entrance, putting himself directly in the front row. Mark appeared on stage and D. was riveted.

When the topic turned to friendship, Mark asked, "What would you do if you were my friend?"

"I'd always be faithful and loyal," D. replied.

Days later, D. had a new outlook. He snapped out of his doldrums and even attended the junior prom - proof positive that your message can render extraordinary results when it reaches ears that need to hear it.

Dara Chadwick

Far beyond the ordinary

I met J. as his sophomore homeroom teacher. Every day J. and his aid would come in for homeroom and we would share some little tidbit about what was happening. J. has a severe case of cerebral palsy and has muscular control of only his left foot. He is very difficult to understand and works hard at communicating.

At the end of the year, J. brought in some medals. I asked where he had gotten them and he informed me that he had won them at the handicapped games. J. was a national champion in his categories. I asked when he practiced and he said he would come up to the track to practice after the track team had left. As track coach, I informed J. that this was unacceptable and that starting the following year he would practice and race with us.

J. would letter for us in each of the next two years, but here is actually where the story begins. J. cemented lifelong friendships with members of the team. They started taking him to the gym - they even snuck him into the Foxy Lady. An odd occurrence was that during his time with the team, no one would complain about small minor injuries such as shin splints (a real injury often used as an excuse).

When J. graduated, the West Warwick coaches instituted a special award for courage, perseverance and undying optimism. The award was named after J. and he was the first to receive it. It is one of the more special awards given at our annual awards dinner.

J. has gone on to major in journalism at UCONN. He has come to realize that he can be a truly vocal advocate for the handicapped. He has written eloquent articles about the rights of the handicapped. If I'm not mistaken, J. is a Dean's List student - the body is handicapped but there is nothing wrong with the brain.

J. now focuses attention to this issue through his participation in local road races. In the last two years, he has participated in the Ocean State Marathon and he has become the first person to propel himself backwards in wheelchair in the Boston Marathon.

In November, he was asked to participate in the New York Marathon against other similarly handicapped athletes. On that day, the weather was cold and unforgiving - J. was the only wheelchair athlete of his kind to show up. In New York, J. took two hours off his best time finishing at seven hours and fifty-five minutes. I told him later that he had won and the first thing you have to do to win is show up. Accompanying J. in New York was one of his old buddies from the West Warwick track team.

George Coombs
West Warwick High School

"No one would rescue me...except me"

"I stood at the mirror that morning, bleary-eyed, hung over and shaking. Who was going to come and rescue me? I was thrown out of high school, had been working the local fishing boats, and drinking away my paycheck. My mother was dead and my father wandered the local streets, homeless and unavailable to me. As I looked over my shoulder, I realized no one would rescue me except ME! I called the one person who had always been there for me, my priest, and asked for his help. He got me into AA and suggested I call Cape Cod Regional Technical High School in Harwich and finish my education."

This was the story of a young man who contacted us several years ago to see if we would admit him to one of our technical programs. We did, with some reservations and some strict guidelines. "Dan" (not his real name) met with his counselor twice each month, had weekly group counseling for high-risk students and continued his program with AA. His counselor helped him all the way. Extra help to make up credit was provided, along with weekend support, daily encouragement ... whatever was needed to help Dan succeed - even a place on the American Atlantic Challenge team off the coast of France!

Dan graduated in June 1993 as president of his class with an acceptance and scholarship to the Museum School in Boston. While at Cape Cod Tech, Dan exhibited an extraordinary artistic ability, particularly in sculpture. With the encouragement of his counselor, his shop teacher and a social studies teacher, Dan was introduced to a local artist and apprenticed with him for two years. That experience and two years of masonry primed him for a successful career in art! His first exhibit was at the museum last fall. To this day, one of his first sculptures still hangs in the main office of our school.

Did the support, patience and encouragement provided him at Cape Cod Regional Technical High School make a difference in Dan's life? Just ask Dan the next time he stops by the school to speak to some high-risk teens about not giving up, and about listening to your teachers.

Anonymous
Cape Cod Regional Technical High School

"Never underestimate your positive influence"

Dear Mrs. Matthews,

You may not remember me, but I'll remember you always. I graduated from Charlestown High School in 1981. I am now thirty-three years old.

You were my English teacher for three years at Charlestown High. You tried so hard to teach me! Unfortunately, I had no desire to learn English or any other subject. Instead, I was a nuisance and a class clown. I was frequently absent, and when I did attend class, I was always late. Even when I was sitting in class, I never had any intention of cooperating with you. My thoughts were elsewhere. My primary focus was on getting out of school. I just wanted to hang on the corners and drink alcohol with my friends. Partying was always much more important than school.

At that time, I thought you were a miserable witch, but I realize now that you were the most caring, committed and giving teacher I ever had. You were trying to bring out the best in me and others. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would take advantage of your gift of teaching. I would be the most committed student you would have. My main purpose would be to learn to listen, and listen to learn.

I would like to share with you some of the major changes in my life since high school. My life basically went downhill after I graduated. As a result of continued alcohol abuse, I hit rock bottom at age thirty. I finally had to admit to myself, my family and my friends that I needed treatment for my alcoholism, and I went away to a treatment center in 1992. Since then my life in sobriety has been blessed with many gifts, and one of these gifts is the ability to learn. Currently, I am enrolled in college, majoring in Law.

It is a miracle to me to be where I am today in my life. For many years, I had unsuccessful school experiences. I assumed I was stupid and unable to learn. However, since I became sober, I have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and a learning disability. I know now that I wasn't stupid or lazy, but that I had a neurological disorder that went undetected until adulthood. Since I have been on medication for ADHD, education has been a wonderful and pleasurable experience for me.

I consulted with an educational psychologist and she suggested I seek out a tutor. Luckily, I have a friend who is a teacher of students with special needs. She began to tutor me. Her specialty is ADHD and learning disabilities. She taught me strategies, coping mechanisms, and different learning styles. My favorite subject is English.

Mrs. Matthews, I know how difficult it is to be a teacher in the inner-city public school system, especially when students don't appreciate your skills. It took fifteen years after graduation for me to realize what an outstanding teacher you really are! When my professor gave us this assignment to write to a teacher who had an impact on us, I knew immediately in my heart who deserved this recognition. Never underestimate the positive influence you had on students throughout the years.

p.s. Please don't be too harsh on me as you critique my letter-writing skills.

Would you please write back, if possible?

Sincerely,

J.

"A true product of resiliency"

K. is a tall, slender, attractive young black female who is 17 years old. She was born in a large New England city. Her mother had five siblings and was never married. After her mother's repeated bouts with alcohol and drugs, the children were taken by D.D.S. in 1986 and put into foster care. K. was then six years old and the oldest; she had four brothers. The family was separated and placed in different homes. K. had some very traumatic experiences that left her angry, bitter and unable to trust anyone.

She is now a sophomore in high school and determined to graduate. She has lived in 7 foster homes and attended 10 schools. K. does not smoke or take drugs. Her goal is to continue on to college. The family is still in foster care.

K.'s dream is to be self-sufficient and help her brothers to be successful. I find her to be a true product of resiliency.

Joyce Freeman
Special Needs Teacher
Burncoat High School
Worcester, MA

Chapter 5: Looking for What Does Not Exist

Every student is different - we have to overcome the urge to fit everyone into the same mold. These letters show us the promise that lies hidden in even the most unpromising students, those who have been written off as "problems" or "failures". Instead of letting our own failure of imagination stand in the way, they show us how we can see past the surface and find the potential in every student if we try.

A story of determination and love

You could not see his face - he was so covered up by his coat and hat. His coat served as emotional protection as well as for warmth. He wore it all the time. His head was hidden under his arms faced down on the table at the Crisis Meeting.

It was many months before one would ever know what blue eyes he had and it would be even longer before we would know his smile. With intimate listening, unconditional acceptance of where he was and how he felt, slowly hope emerged and we began to know this young man.

Another story of a boy told he was stupid, that he wouldn't read or be successful in school. All this happened when he was ten, but every day he carried that sentence deep within himself and every hope of trusting his own goodness and potential was thwarted.

Yet through the persistence and love of his mother, the support of his employer, through the determination and love of his counselor and the refusal of his teachers to give up on his potential, this young man found the grace and power to search within himself and to prove the earlier labels wrong.

Now six foot, handsome and graduating from high school, he has begun to know who he is and we rejoice as he continues on his journey.

Barbara Pivarnik, Ph.D.
Counselor
E. O. Smith High School

"The will to succeed"

This young man entered our high school in the fall of 1988 as a member of our Class of 1992. His first year was marked by continuous disciplinary and academic problems. One of his teachers thought that this student was "destined for prison" based on his behavior, attitude and circle of friends. In his second year as a ninth grader, he improved slightly by passing a few of his courses, with one particular exception. It seems he decided not to attend his English class, which he cut for three quarters of the year until finally discovered. One of his teachers recalled that he had made a notation in his records that this student was missing many assignments and was a poor student who did absolutely nothing. In fact, this teacher was so frustrated by this young man that he doubted whether he wanted to continue in the teaching field.

In this student's third year he made a dramatic turn-around. He passed four of five courses with a C+ average. In his final two years here, he made the quarterly honor roll every quarter. His final year averages were in the B+ range and he earned the praises of all his teachers. One teacher summed it up by saying, "I have enjoyed having him around for the past three years. He has been a great help to me and to his classmates." It took this young man five years to earn his high school diploma, but only three years to receive his Associates Degree in Engineering from the Community College of Rhode Island.

This young man is a great example of what Mark Mainella emphasizes to his audiences regarding self-image, positive attitude, respect for others and the will to succeed.

Ron Brissette
Director of Guidance
Burrillville High School
Harrisville, RI

"A little kindness and attention"

She was 15, plump, lacked esteem, and underachieved. Paradoxically, she was a descendant of one of the oldest and richest families in town. Seemingly then, she had the stuff to have a fun-filled, successful youth, but - S. was a mess.

I was teaching ninth grade English in those days, and had her report to me after school one day for a lack of homework and general academic listlessness. It was the start of a memorable experience.

S. "wore" an unpleasant smell, not unlike the combination of pot, stale alcohol, and body odor. After covering my criticisms she asked if we could discuss more serious matters. More serious than academic failure? And would I agree to confidentiality? Well! The principle of double effect kicked in, so I promised.

She pushed up the sleeves of her ever-present black sweater and there on her dirt-encrusted wrists were the scars of some old razor cuts - not deep enough to cut into the vein. It was perhaps the premeditated start for a girl so unhappy with herself that she wanted to end it.

What to do? Help her experience some success!

She was in my daily study hall so I started working on her missing assignments. We talked about the essay due, the book report, the quiz. It was nothing as magical as an elixir, but after the first week her demeanor changed. There was a bounce to her walk and she wore an occasional smile. When she came into the study the next week with her homework and drafts of the assigned report and essay, I knew there was hope for this girl.

What a little kindness and attention can do is inestimable! As the weeks went by, she became more animated in class and began speaking to other students. The metamorphosis had started when she came to school one day with a change of clothing and a scent of soap. Again, a little attention paid such enormous results - a person's life, perhaps.

Some years later I was interviewing for an English teacher opening. A well-dressed, attractive and intelligent woman walked into my office. After the interview, S.left no doubt in either of our minds that the job was here.

The metamorphosis was complete!

Anthony J. DeMeo
Retired Assistant Principal
Barrington Middle School
Barrington, RI

Chapter 6: Getting the Most from All Students

Getting the most from our students means giving the most: the most care, the most love, the most dedication. The teachers in these letters have given all that and more. In showing their students respect and caring, they've touched their lives profoundly.

"We can be the catalyst"

Dear Mr. Mainella:

As a school administrator in charge of Student Services, it amazes me to realize how my path has touched some of today's youth. Not too many years ago, I encouraged a quiet and somewhat shy young man, in his sophomore year in my High School, to accompany me and some other students to speak to eighth graders within the local school community, about the merits of a vocational technical education. With some encouragement he did fine. As we ventured out into other schools to make a presentation his confidence seemed to grow as did his enthusiasm.

After eight or nine presentations, he really projected such wit and self confidence that I felt he had grown into an articulate young man with determination and style. His grades seemed to improve and he ran for office and became president of his class. He was also involved in our radio station at the school.

Unbeknownst to me, he had a situation with an instructor that began to get the best of him. He felt really put down by this instructor to a point where he wanted to leave the vocational technical school or quit school all together. When he approached me with a note from home to transfer, I brought him into my office. I told him that I was not going to let him transfer in order to escape from a situation that could be resolved. It was well over an hour later that he finally agreed to let me intervene on his behalf. I explained this to his parents.

Two years later, he graduated with top honors, and became our first vocational technical student to be honored at an awards assembly as Outstanding Vocational Secondary student. Upon graduation he opened his own electronics business on the east coast, then opened another office on the west coast. Since that time he has ventured into other areas, and at this writing has over 50 people working for him and is making a six-figure income. We still keep in touch.

I hope this experience helps others to realize how important it is to reach out to students. It can really make a difference in their lives. Every individual has the potential to be whatever they want to be, to achieve whatever they want to achieve, if they only realize their own self-worth. We can be the catalyst that could make that happen in the lives of others, by being there for them, giving them that encouragement and lending them a firm hand when needed. Our path crosses many lives. We can make a difference, if we take the time to help others see that they have a special gift within, a special talent, that needs to be nourished and nurtured. Nothing is impossible if you see it, imagine it and believe it.

Mr. Benjamin Monfredo
Director of Pupil Personnel Services
Bay Path Regional Vocational Technical High School
Charlton, MA

"The power of a positive attitude"

Four years ago a young lady entered Dartmouth High School from her new foster home in Dartmouth where she would reside with five other foster teenagers. This was the seventh foster home for the teenager in the last four years. This young lady entered school in late September of her freshman year with very low self-esteem and a very poor academic record from her previous school. Within a week, she was acting out and cutting classes, unhappy with her new foster home and the school. Upon spending some time talking to her, it became clear that she considered herself a throw-away child. Her goal was to get out on the streets as soon as she could and live by her wits.

It became apparent that spending time with her in order to help her develop new lifetime goals, higher self-esteem and a positive lifestyle was essential. At first the student was confused. Why was the principal talking to her every day? Why was someone helping her find a better home, helping her with homework, encouraging her, and even throwing her a first-ever birthday party? After initial resistance, she started to smile, showed her first small successes, had no more discipline problems and began to achieve passing grades.

Her sophomore year started with achievable goals developed by the student herself, in addition to a can-do attitude, better self-esteem and a positive outlook. The year ended with this young lady being involved in student activities for the first time in her school career, and As and Bs for grades which were then proudly shown to her peers and staff. She left for the summer with a smile and a summer job.

Today she is a very involved honor student in her senior year. Also, she is looking forward to going on to a career in social work. Hopefully, she will be teaching others the power of a positive attitude.

Donald King
Principal
North Dartmouth High School

Simply special

A student who needed someone to be there for him, to care and show that you cared ... to believe in him even though he was making mistakes at the time -

His mother had died and his father was an alcoholic. He had brothers and sisters.

For some reason, I saw potential and hope in him. I constantly spoke with him and let him know that he was important to me and that I cared about him.

He never graduated from high school, so I knew I'd never see him at a prom. Well, I surprised him when his brother got married. I went to see him at church dressed up in a tuxedo as an usher.

We have always kept in touch. He moved out of state, and whenever he returned he would visit me at school and let me know what was happening with him.

We would have long conversations. He invited me to his wedding, which I was pleased to attend.

This student has a special quality. I always felt there was something special about him. Today, he is a very successful building contractor. He owns his own business and has an extremely satisfying life.

I'm so happy for him!

Carol Bell
School Nurse
SADD Director
Greater Lowell Regional Vocational Technical High School District
Tyngsboro, MA

Chapter 7: The Measure of Success

These letters tell some remarkable stories of success, of all different kinds. And they remind us how our measures of success have to come from within - not from comparison with anyone else.

Setting one's own standards

Dear Mr. Mainella,

On January 7, 1997, you spoke to the senior class of Ipswich High School. You chose me to address by name, and paid me many compliments. This was not the first time I have heard you speak; I was also present as a student mentor when you addressed the freshmen in September. I remembered how you picked people from the audience to speak with personally. Despite this, I never expected to be one of them when I looked you in the eye as you glanced toward our side of the gym.

One point that had special meaning for me was about not comparing yourself to others. My parents have always wanted me to do better than everyone else in school. Eventually, I wanted this as well, and in some ways I have achieved my goal. Throughout high school, I have ranked number one in the class. But even with this number pinned to my name, I am still compared to high-ranking Ipswich scholars of the past (are the colleges I am looking at as prestigious as those they attend?). I hate this comparison because it means that not only am I competing with my present classmates (which I do not mind), but also with valedictorians from the past. Your words help me remember that I'm the one going to college.

When you asked me whether I knew anyone who really enjoys his or her job (other than teachers), I replied that I did not. Although since then I have thought of a few people who do seem to enjoy working, your point remains valid. I know far more people who do not like their jobs, because they allowed someone else to tell them what field they should pursue. I hope never to be among those people, and I will remember what you said when I have to decide upon a career. As you said, the best surgeon is never looking for work. I have always tried to do my best, despite people who ridiculed me for not believing that an average or slightly above-average effort is adequate. People who believe in doing their best are rare, but they are the ones who can be most satisfied with what they do because they do it well.

Thank you again.

Robin Teague
Ipswich High School
Ipswich, MA

A working combination

For John and Tony, a combination of talent, luck, and sheer determination helped create a successful commercial truck sales and service firm in East Providence, RI.

"It was rough in the beginning," said John. "We both had young families, and that first week neither one of us had enough to pay for one family."

Still, the brothers persevered. They got their start as mechanics for United Transit Authority. When the state took over, the brothers decided to strike out on their own. The Altruis are quick to credit the owner of Wood's Garage in Pawtucket, who provided a building rent-free for three months. If the brothers made it, he said, he'd expect to be reimbursed. If they didn't make it, they owed nothing.

Tony opened Altrui Brothers on his own and John joined him the following week.

"We've got a reputation for providing good quality at a fair price," Tony said. "We were fortunate that there was plenty of work back then and we had a lot of determination. It was just the two of us and we thought nothing of working from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m."

Through the tough times, the brothers said, they never thought about closing down. Now, 30 years later, Altrui Brothers employs 25 people and, said John, "We're not ready to retire yet."

Dara Chadwick

The power of perseverance

A. came into the working world at the wrong time. After putting her post-graduate education aside in favor of her husband's (who later divorced her), she entered the workforce during one of the most difficult economic climates of modern times. She quickly found that the liberal arts degree her parents had advocated would not get her a job, despite her talent for both language and art, fields that had lost much of their former value in a neo-technical society. Undaunted, she entered a trade school and earned a drafting certificate as an entree into corporate America, quickly rising through the ranks and achieving much recognition as a writer and illustrator. Then came the massive layoffs of the early 1990s and the harsh reality: that hard work and dedication were expendable items, and so were even award-winning employees.

She took another job at half her previous salary, working her way back up only to confront another impenetrable roadblock: a disabling illness that sapped her strength and destroyed her coordination. Told that she was facing life in a wheelchair, she left the job she loved but continued to freelance at home as much as she could.

The naysayers were soon to learn that the word "can't" was not in A.'s vocabulary. Today A.'s publications business has a staff of 15 and clients worldwide, and she has walked without assistance for two years. This book is one of the many testimonials to her perseverance.

Niles Welch

Triumph over tragedy

Two years ago, a young lady from Stafford High School was involved in an auto accident. She was a passenger in the back seat with her seatbelt on (the older version that just went around the waist). The car slid on some ice at a moderate speed and hit a tree. A., the young lady, had her spinal cord broken (the impact doubled her over). She was the only person injured.

She went from a talented athlete to a paraplegic. Although involved in athletics, A. had been otherwise quiet and not active in other school programs. She was a hard worker, but her grades weren't exceptional.

Before the accident, I barely knew A. After the accident, everyone knew A. - but not because of her injuries. Arin clearly had strength and courage which were not seen prior to her accident. She refocused her life in new directions. No longer able to compete in athletics, she became the most active and successful student council president I had ever seen in my eleven years at Stafford. From here she volunteered to use experimental leg braces being developed at Newington Children's Hospital. Her progress was documented by the local CBS television affiliate WFSB Channel 3 in Hartford. The television documentary attracted the attention of U.S. House of Representatives member Sam Gejdenson who invited her to meet the President as he got off his plane in New London.

A.'s goal was to walk (with braces) to her junior prom. She walked to the prom on braces she had helped perfect, and when she was selected prom queen, she was featured on the six o'clock news. A. later became president of her senior class and is scheduled to attend college in the fall of 1997.

This is an account of someone who overcame great personal tragedy to succeed in other areas of her life. A. is probably a stronger and in many ways more capable person as a result.

Dr. David Perry
Principal
North Branford High School
North Branford, CT

A chance to succeed

Mark, two success stories for you -

K. approached Mr. Kelley to try to convince him that he should be given an opportunity to attend Norfolk County Agricultural High School. He had failed sophomore year for the second time at another high school. He hated school and was ready to drop out if he couldn't attend the "Aggie." He was interested in plant science and landscaping, and Mr. Kelley decided to give him a try.

After three very successful years, K. ended up as valedictorian of his class. He attended Stockbridge School of Agriculture where he received his Associates Degree; he then transferred to U. Mass., completed his Bachelors Degree, and continued his graduate work in Plant Pathology at Rutgers University. He was a terrific student and a fine young man.

S. was a very unhappy student at Brockton HS because none of the classes helped him to learn what he was already doing: landscaping. He came to the "Aggie" as a junior and was accepted because of his proven interest in landscape work. He was completely successful as a student and increased his business, hiring some of his classmates during their cooperative work study program. He now runs a very successful landscape and contracting business.

Clearly, giving students a chance and the encouragement to be successful is what it's all about.

Ronald A. Cocuzzo
Michael Kelley
Guidance & Admissions Counselors
Norfolk County Agricultural High School
Walpole, MA

Chapter 8: A Plan for Action

I hope by now you have a clear image of the Teacher's Teacher - how to know them, how to be one. These last few letters offer some insights on teaching from the people who do it every day, and some praise for places that are doing it well.

Positive action

Mark,

I was once asked which subject was my favorite to teach to my second graders. After thinking about this for a minute or two, I realized that the subject that I enjoy teaching my students is not math, or science or social studies. My favorite subject is teaching the children to feel good about themselves, to love themselves and to respect each other.

During the course of the school year I want my second graders to work cooperatively in groups while reading books, performing science experiments and engaging in several other activities. In order for them to be able to do this, I realize that I must first teach them how to work together and how to get along with one another.

I have adopted and augmented a program called Positive Action (developed by Carol Gerber Allred, Ph.D.) to which I was first introduced while working as an elementary school teacher in the Yonkers Public Schools. I start off with Positive Action on the first day of school, and the program is continued throughout the year up until the very last day of school.

The year starts with the children learning about the positive actions that will keep themselves in a positive frame of mind. They learn phases like "self-concept" and "self-esteem," and they learn the differences between positive and negative actions as well as the effects that these actions can have. When it comes time to discipline a student, I am able to use this vocabulary and I can ask, "Was that a positive or negative action? How did your actions affect the other child's self-concept?"

As the year progresses, we learn about positive actions which will keep our bodies healthy, such as eating healthy foods, getting enough rest and exercising. The children then learn about social positive actions such as helping, sharing and caring for one another. Much of this is done through storytelling, classroom meetings and role play. The students in my class learn to treat each other with kindness and respect.

Mental positive actions come next. These are positive actions that will keep our minds healthy, such as being curious and asking good questions, and being resourceful and creative. We learn that it is important to exercise our minds as well as our bodies.

By learning about positive actions throughout the entire year, my second graders become confident people who are not afraid or embarrassed to experiment and try new things. They treat each other fairly and with respect, and they feel comfortable expressing themselves because they know that they will be supported not only by their teacher, but by their classmates as well.

The many activities that go on in my second grade classroom would not be nearly as successful as they are if I did not first stress the importance of using positive actions right from the first day of school. I love to watch my students grow into young people who are sure of themselves, and Positive Action is my favorite subject to teach.

Mitchell Crasson
Elementary teacher
Scarsdale, NY

The effective teacher

Defining what makes a good teacher is not unlike a vague, ambiguous, subjective definition of poetry. Moreover, one will not find the "stuff" that makes a good teacher in a textbook or dissertation. A good teacher is!

In the teaching process, you do not count the days till the weekend or the next vacation or the summer. You do and you enjoy, and the pleasant days become weeks and months and years.

You meet the people in each class each day. And you communicate. That's the key word. A good teacher does that clearly and interestingly. He makes subject matter easy to understand and enjoyable.

To communicate effectively, he manifests to the students his genuine love for teaching, his confidence, his wealth of knowledge. When he does this, he gets respect, and with that significant acknowledgment, he is transferring knowledge. It becomes contagious; and has a snowballing effect. This communicating, this teaching, becomes a most pleasurable and rewarding experience!

The essence, then, of good teaching is the dynamic display of subject mastery ... confidence ... love of the teacher's role ... and genuine respect and admiration for students.

There is no greater reward than the satisfaction a teacher receives when a student's eyes flash the understanding of a concept. That's the true definition of compensation or payback! And that indeed epitomizes the effective teacher in his role as master communicator. This, then, is the essence of what a good teacher is!

Anthony J. DeMeo
Retired Assistant Principal
Barrington Junior High School
Barrington, RI

Touching the future

Dear Mr. Mark Mainella:

Many of my friends have jobs that pay much more than I make, but none of these people can ever experience the joy, sense of accomplishment and fulfillment when a young person returns after years to see me in my office and says thanks for caring, thanks for being there for me whenever I needed help and support. As a Guidance Counselor, I can truly say that I "touch the future" when I help a student be successful in life. Nothing can ever replace this feeling and my position as a Guidance Counselor at Warren Harding High School in Bridgeport, CT allows me to experience many of these situations.

One experience that comes to mind is about a young lady who graduated from Harding in June of 1996. She had always been absent and tardy to school many times over the years. She had repeated he sophomore year because of he absences. Her grades were just passing and she always talked about quitting school because she felt that school was not going to help her. When this young lady was a freshman we first met and as the days passed we continued to meet more frequently and we got to know each other quite well. We always discussed how important it was for her to finish and graduate from high school and to help her succeed we changed some of her classes along the way, we changed some of her teachers and very importantly we gave her some responsibilities as a clerical intern in the main office for one period a day during her junior years and her senior years. During these high school years she also became involved in a negative relationship with a young man who was suicidal. I always had time for her, but knowing how important her boyfriend was I began seeing them together, trying to help their relationship, but more importantly trying to reach this young man to offer him help and support.

I tell my students when I first meet them that if they feel comfortable with me being their Guidance Counselor then I will always be their Guidance Counselor. Always, meaning while they are at Harding and afterwards as well. Presently, even though this young lady has graduated I still talk to her on the telephone and at times she even stops in to see me. In September 1997 she came to see me and let me know things were going all right, but she had stopped working because the store closed down. She informed me that she filled out an application for a position through a labor force organization. Immediately I contacted this company and spoke to the Director of Personnel about my student, explaining to him how I watched this young lady grow and mature into a responsible young lady over the years. Two days later this young lady was hired by the company and as I write this story on 1-6-98, she is doing well at this position.

As a Guidance Counselor I know teenagers need people in their corners who care. I want to be in as many corners for teenagers as possible today. I enjoy and respect my position as a Guidance Counselor at an inner city high school like Harding because it enables me to make a difference in people's lives.

Joseph DeVellis
Guidance Coordinator
Warren Harding High School

A letter to the editor...

Dear Editor:

Amid all the fuss over the best fifty high schools in the nation - ten from each state - there remain any silent and worthy schools. The publicity was to reinforce the image of our public schools. What it actually did, however, was make those schools not named look bad.

It is one of these "silent" schools that are so remarkable, so unusual that my ten-year teaching experience had nothing with which to compare it.

Smithfield High School has a commitment to its students and to itself, which far surpasses, that of other schools, including those named "The Big Ten" in Rhode Island. Moreover, its interest is an effective interest; one tied directly to action. Firm, fair, swift and, yes, kind, discipline which is visible to every student at each moment of their school day, has produced results.

Academic excellence, class time devoted to instruction, not discipline, courses in Calculus, Computer, Physics, CPR, superb musical programs, shop classes building furniture and housing, mechanical repair courses where the kid's own items are fixed - these are only a small sample of what goes on in Smithfield's high school.

These sophisticated teenagers are neither jaded nor cynical. Not only was I able to teach from the first minute of my classes to the last, but students actually came up and thanked me.

Hats off to Smithfield High School - its student, faculty, and administrators.

Name withheld by request.